


Oh, We Lost Magic

by nerakrose



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Community: rs_games, First War with Voldemort, James/Lily (background), M/M, Muggle Life, Paramedics au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-18
Updated: 2014-11-18
Packaged: 2018-02-26 05:25:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2639759
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nerakrose/pseuds/nerakrose
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The year is 1985 and Sirius, Remus, James and Lily are working as paramedics in muggle London, living seemingly normal lives...except there's really an awful lot of weird things going on.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Oh, We Lost Magic

**Author's Note:**

> AU where nobody dies. Betaed by the lovely marc_duorc whose suggestions and corrections really made this a better piece. Also all my thanks to palavapeite and mrs_jack_turner who gave this a second look after the fact and made it even more perfect. All remaining mistakes are mine.
> 
>  **Prompt:** 52) “Silence is exhilarating at first - as noise is - but there is a sweetness to silence outlasting exhilaration, akin to the sweetness of listening and the velvet of sleep.”  
>  ~ Edward Hoagland
> 
> written for [rs_games](http://rs-games.livejournal.com/) 2014.

There were times when reality seemed to stretch, stretch almost endlessly, and then tighten. Through the thin fabric of reality something else could be glimpsed.

"Dragons," Remus said, when the fabric snapped back.

"Elephants," Sirius said. "What?" he added, at a look from Remus. "I thought we were playing 'say a random word'."

"No, dragons," Remus repeated. "I'm sure."

Sirius gave him a long look. "Dragons."

Remus shrugged. "We're not normal people," he said. "We aren't. Normal people don't turn into wolves every month and accidentally set curtains alight with a thought, or feel reality snapping -"

"And today it's dragons?"

"What are the odds of finding any records of Chinese Fireballs in the library?" Remus rubbed his face.

Sirius shrugged. "I don't know." He nudged Remus' shoulder. "But I do know that our break is over. Come on. Let's go save lives."

They had been called out to Greenwich College, where they were told a student had fallen off the roof and had sustained multiple fractures and injuries.

The patient was unconscious upon arrival.

"What was he doing on the rooftop, do you think?" Sirius called from the front of the ambulance. He set it in gear and turned them towards the hospital.

"It's exam season," Remus replied, steadying himself against the stretcher as they turned a corner. Sirius was driving only slightly less maniacally than usual. "Probably threw himself off it." He paused. "There's been an awful lot of suicide attempts lately."

"Yeah," Sirius said, and then didn't speak again until they made it to the hospital.

Reality bent itself around Remus. He almost thought he could touch it, but when he tried, his fingers only moved through air.

He had the taste of blood in the back of his mouth, and when the ambulance pulled up at the hospital, he couldn't explain why his patient no longer had neither broken legs nor a skull fracture.

***

"It's Friday," Sirius observed.

Remus was already in the kitchen, slumped over a humongous cup of coffee and side-eyeing the crossword. He'd already filled out two rows. "Yeah."

"Which means," Sirius said, leaning over the table, "that it's time to do the thing where I ask you out and you say no and I say please and you stare at my lips and I stare at you and the sexual tension escalates until you flee and I'm left cold."

"Must we?" Remus looked up. "I'm not really into it today." He pushed the paper across the table to Sirius, who sat down. "I left most of the crossword for you."

"Thanks." Sirius grabbed the pencil Remus had been using. "Wanna go see James today? He's got the day off, same as us."

"Yeah, sure." Remus sipped his coffee. He'd made a strong brew this morning, not much different from their usual, really, except this was the blend they'd splurged on last month for Remus' birthday so rather than bitter and nearly undrinkable, this was smooth and dark, with just the slightest hint of chocolate.

A comfortable silence stretched between them, filled with the scent of birthday coffee and little _hmmmms_ from Sirius.

"I don't think this is my life," Remus said, when he'd finished his coffee. "It doesn't feel right. Some things do, like _this_." He gestured at their surroundings. "This feels real. But other things don't."

Sirius looked up. "Sometimes when I wake up, I'm a dog," he said. "I thought I was just dreaming, but this morning...it took a while before I changed back."

"You're joking."

"No." Sirius gave him a small, humourless laugh. "I wish I was. But no. Just another weird thing on top of all the weird things that have been happening to us for the past four years," he added with a grand, theatrical gesture.

"So, you're a weredog?" Remus refilled his cup with a grimace. "We make a fine pair. The werewolf and the weredog."

"I don't think I'm a weredog," Sirius protested.

Remus poured Sirius some coffee as well. Sirius' cup was hand painted with some kind of abstract design. In the corner was painted HARRY 4YS. "We aren't normal people," Remus said. "What's wrong with us?"

"Flower used in Indian cooking, four letters," Sirius said.

"Rose."

"Oh, of course. Thank you." He scribbled in the letters. "Of course we aren't normal people. The question is, what are we going to do about it?"

"What _can_ we do about it?"

"Get referred to a therapist?" Sirius said. "Get diagnosed with something and then pumped full of meds?" His eyes twinkled. "I imagine once they discover your furry side, they'll want to admit you to the zoo."

"Funny. I'm laughing."

"Call Lily, will you, and ask what's for lunch?" Sirius asked.

Remus smiled. "Okay."

"And then go out with me."

"Yeah, okay."

Sirius' hand paused mid-letter. He stared at Remus. "Just like that?"

"Yeah." Remus shrugged.

"Why? Why now? Why not four years ago when I asked you the first time?"

Remus shrugged. "I don't know. I just feel like... I have a feeling we used to, you know. Be together. And that...whatever reason we broke up, it was probably a good one. But I don't care about that anymore. Now I just want to."

"But we haven't," Sirius said. "We've never been together."

"No?" Remus looked him in the eye. "How sure are you?"

"I'm..." Sirius quieted.

"Yeah, I thought so," Remus said. "So, anyway. Yes. I'll go out with you." He finished his second cup of coffee, and placed the empty mug in the sink. "I'll go shower."

Sirius finished the crossword. Neither of them spoke the rest of the morning, only shot each other curious glances.

The tube was, for once, not a horrible place, and Sirius entertained both of them by making up stories about their fellow travellers.

When they arrived at the house, James let them in. "Hey guys," he said, then looked behind them, confused. "Where's Peter?"

"Peter who?" Sirius looked at Remus. "Were we supposed to bring someone? Is this one of those times where I was responsible for something and screwed it up and _you_ didn't remind me? Why didn't you remind me?"

"I don't know a Peter," Remus said, slowly. "At least I don't _think_ I do."

They looked at James, who was now frowning deeply. Lily, who had appeared at the door to greet them, looked worried.

"I told you this Peter character is fictional," she said gently. "You dreamed him up."

"Yeah, I..." James shook his head, as if to clear it. "Must have. Harry!" he called, suddenly. "Guess who's here!"

Harry bolted down the stairs, making an awful ruckus. He stopped short at the bottom. "Come see what I made," he said.

Sirius went upstairs with him.

"Who's Peter?" Remus asked quietly, out of Lily’s earshot.

"There used to be four of us," James said. "You, me, Sirius and Peter."

Something inside Remus tickled. "I don't know a Peter. Is it someone we went to school with?"

"I think so." James frowned, then sighed. "Don't you think it's odd?" His eyes had taken on a weird quality. "These things we remember that nobody else does? The things we _don't_ remember? The things we _do_?"

"Yeah," Remus admitted.

"I've been reading up on folklore," James continued. "About changelings. Because I thought, why not? The world doesn't feel real. Maybe it's not our world. Maybe we -" he shut up abruptly when he noticed Lily was watching him intently. "It's probably just silly."

"Yesterday, Harry moved his toys around by pointing at them," Lily said. "He'd point at his teddy bear and it would move. Then he'd point at an action figure and it'd move. He moved building blocks and toy cars and teddies all around his room. We took him out of school."

"This morning Sirius turned into a dog," Remus said.

The three of them shared an uneasy look. "It's worse," Lily eventually said. "It used to be, we'd have one weird thing every month or two a month. Now it's..."

"It's escalated," Remus agreed. "About two months ago is when it started escalating."

"Any ideas why?" James asked.

Remus looked at the ceiling; he could hear Sirius' laughter coming from the general direction of Harry's room. "How many suicides and victims of violences have you had lately?"

"More than I'd like," James answered. "Used to be I'd get old ladies with broken hips or heart attacks more often than..."

"Yeah," Lily agreed. "My team had two suicides and one attempt yesterday alone. And a couple of guys who'd gotten into really violent fights. Football game or a girl or something, but none of them could remember exactly..."

Lily hugged herself and shuddered.

"What's going on?" James asked, but no answer was forthcoming.

After a pause, Remus said, "I'm going upstairs to hug my godson-by-proxy."

James and Lily followed.

***

"We got a new shift rota," Sirius told him, his face screwed up in displeasure. He thrust the schedule into Remus' hand. "We're on nights now."

Remus looked at it. "At least we're still on the same team," he pointed out. "Could've been worse."

"Nights are crazy." Sirius opened his locker and peered at the mirror he'd stuck on the inside. "Who did we piss off?"

"Nobody that I know of."

"You didn't piss anyone off," Lily said, having come round the corner. "Nobody wants the nights anymore, is all."

"Did you get nights?"

"I pulled the kid card, so nope. James has nights. Now that we're keeping Harry at home, we... well, have to take what we can." She took a deep breath, then turned to face Remus full on. "You hear what's been going on on nights lately?"

"Paramedics coming back with more injuries than the people they were sent to pick up," Sirius answered. "Mysterious shit. All very scary."

"Is it too late for a career change, do you think?" Remus picked up his scarf with a small smile, but instead of winding it around his neck, he fidgeted with it in his hands. "I'm suddenly very interested in moving halfway around the world to become a pastry chef."

"I'll work the streets," Sirius said. "Oh come on, not like that," he added, ducking under Lily's scathing look, "I meant busking. I can play the French harp, you know."

"Also called a mouth organ," Remus added under his breath, and then the two of them were snickering.

Lily shook her head, but there was a little smile on her lips. "I’m going home to my child. You two look after yourselves."

***

The shadows seemed thicker, colder. Sometimes it seemed as if they moved.

"I dare you to touch that shadow," Sirius said, nodding towards a dark alley up ahead. "I'll even stop and let you out." His voice rang hollow with the put-on cheerfulness.

Remus only pressed himself deeper into his seat. "Just drive faster."

They were at the scene in less than two minutes. The patient was already dead, having bled out from deep gashes across the torso.

Nobody else was at the scene.

"Who called it in?" Remus asked as he and Sirius lifted the body onto a stretcher. "Think we should have a quick look around the area?"

Sirius looked at him. "No." His voice was firm, but Remus could detect a hint of fear in it.

The shadows were so thick they were almost tangible. Remus felt icy fingers clamp around his heart and wanted nothing more than to get the hell out of there. "All right," he agreed. "Let's get this one to the morgue."

He sat up front with Sirius on the way back, against all protocols. Neither of them spoke, but Remus kept shuddering, as if somebody was staring at the back of his head. Sirius' hands were white on the steering wheel.

***

One time, Remus actually witnessed Sirius turn into a dog. It lasted only two minutes and then Sirius changed back, startled and out of sorts. He looked around, wild-eyed, as if trying to assert his position in the world.

"That never happened before," he said eventually, eyeing the clothes on the floor. He picked them up with shaking fingers and hastily pulled his pyjamas bottoms on. "Middle of the day like that, it just..."

"We just finished a week of night shifts," Remus said, less visibly shaken. "You just woke up."

Sirius put his t-shirt on. "I still felt like me," he said. "Except I was half as tall and everything was monochrome."

"Unlike me, who loses all concept of the self and tears up the attic during the full moon?" Remus asked dryly. "It’s coming up soon, by the way. Want breakfast?"

"Don't we have leftover pizza?" Sirius strode over to the fridge to look.

Remus shrugged. "You've got your socks on inside out."

"Whatever." Sirius got the pizza box out and dropped it on their small kitchen table. "So, can we talk about going on a date?"

"Can we not?" Remus flipped the lid. There was half a pizza left and it hadn't grown eyes or legs or green fuzz, so he deemed it safe to eat. "I don't have the energy to pretend everything is fine and normal and right with the world. I can't go to dinner and a movie with you and not feel...like we're hiding."

"We _are_ hiding," Sirius said, grabbing a slice and shoving half of it in his mouth.

Remus followed his example. "From what?"

"Monsters."

"You mean ourselves?" Remus quirked an eyebrow. He eyed the rest of his pizza slice, then crammed the rest of it in his mouth.

"That too, probably. Also, you are terrifying. How are you doing that?"

"'M 'alf wo'f," Remus answered.

Sirius fetched the milk from the fridge. He sniffed it, then took a large gulp straight from the carton. He passed it to Remus who did the same.

"We can go out," Remus said, once he'd washed down his pizza. "But let’s keep it simple. Go to the record shop, maybe."

"Yeah," Sirius agreed. "Think I could control the dog thing? If I concentrate really hard?"

"I don't know. Want to try?"

"Not really," Sirius admitted.

They finished the pizza and the milk in silence. It was sunny outside, in stark contrast to the the dreariness of the past few weeks.

"We always go to the record shop," Sirius said. "How is it different as a date?"

"I'll hold your hand," Remus offered. "And we'll make out next to the Sex Pistols records."

Sirius considered this. "Make it Queen," he said, "and I'm in."

"All right." Remus leaned into Sirius' space. "Come here. Kiss me."

The kiss was soft and warm, and something in Remus' gut clicked into place.

"Yeah," he said. "This feels real."

Sirius grinned.

***

Three weeks of night shifts and they could barely muster the energy to walk up the stairs to their own front door. It was just past dawn and Remus couldn't shake off the night, the creeping feeling of being watched, and of the shadows being alive.

"Sofa?" Sirius asked. "I would go for the bed, but that's more steps."

"Yeah," Remus agreed, yawning widely.

Shoes off, jackets off, and then Remus was flat on his back on the sofa with Sirius spread on top of him.

"Move a little," he said, nudging Sirius. "I can't breathe."

Sirius groaned, but raised himself up just enough to give Remus a kiss, then he flopped down again. "I don't ever want to move again."

"Mmh."

Remus had nearly fallen asleep when somebody banged on their front door rather loudly.

"Wha-?" Sirius mumbled.

The banging continued.

"Does that sound like James to you?" Remus asked. His eyes were still closed. "You're on top. You go."

"Ugh." Sirius got up and answered the door, somewhat bleary-eyed. "What - ?"

"Sorry," James said, pushing past him, Harry in his arms. He had a large bag slung over his other shoulder. "Lily left for work and things got weird at home. Really weird. I hope you don't mind."

"Yeah, no problem." Sirius closed the front door. "Coffee? We just got back from our night shift."

"Me too," James said. "Coffee would be grand - no, Harry don't wake Remus, he's sleeping -"

"'Mnot," Remus mumbled, but he hadn't moved an inch.

"Yes you are," Sirius said, and grabbed the ratty blanket off the back of the sofa and draped it over him. "I’ve got this."

"'Kay."

"I'm sorry," James sighed tiredly. "I just, I thought I saw something, and...you know."

"Yeah. I get it." Sirius eyed Harry, who'd already emptied the bag James had brought along. Toys spilled all over the floor. " Does Lily know you're here?"

"I left her a message at work. She's coming here when her shift ends. I called in sick for mine later." James took a seat at the kitchen table, where he could keep an eye on Harry. "I'm probably freaking out for no reason, but..."

"I don't think you are," Sirius told him. "What with everything...and you've got Harry and Lily."

"We've been thinking about leaving the country."

"Smart."

"Is it? What's to say the weird stuff will stop if we leave?" James ran his hand through his hair, making it stick out in all directions.

"I don't know."

The coffee machine finished with a gurgling sound, and Sirius got out the biggest mugs he could find.

"Did Remus and I...date? Before? Before this, I mean," Sirius said, gesturing with a little half shrug, as if he couldn't quite define what 'this' really was.

"Is this a trick question?" James frowned. "You've been together since you were seventeen."

Sirius froze. "What?"

"Was I not supposed to know?" James frowned deeper. "I walked in on you one time. Thought you’d seen me, but I guess not?"

"We only just..." Sirius shook his head. "We have separate bedrooms. I don't know how...you'd think..." He trailed off, glancing at Remus. He was fast asleep, and Harry was quietly pushing toy cars around on the floor.

James shrugged. "I figured it was a cover for the landlord. Seriously, is it a trick question?"

"No," Sirius answered. "Forget I asked." He sipped his coffee, staring at the tabletop.

"It's one of those weird things, isn't it?" James asked after a while. "One of the memory things."

"Yeah."

"Lily told me the other day she couldn't remember when we got married. Our wedding."

"I have to admit I don't either," Sirius said. He glanced at Harry. "Listen, you want to stay the night? Remus and I have shifts again tonight…" Sirius shuddered. "On second thought, maybe we'll call in sick tonight."

"Weird feeling in your gut?"

"Yeah."

James nodded. "You also feel like a sitting duck?"

"A little."

***

Sirius took a nap when Lily joined them.

"I quit," she said to James, first thing. "I can't, I… it's too much now. I'm staying home with Harry until this all blows over."

"What happened today?" Remus asked. He'd been groggy when he woke up, but was now more than alert.

The smell of coffee spread through the flat.

"Nothing I want to talk about in present company," Lily answered, nodding towards her son. "Give me something to do. I need to do something."

"You could make up Sirius' room for the three of you," Remus said. "You're staying the night here."

"Oh, thank heavens," Lily breathed. A little tension leaked out of her shoulders, and James squeezed her. "I feel awful for saying it, but I don't want to go home."

"I think there's clean sheets on the bed already, but if not, there's clean bedding in the left hand side of the wardrobe," Remus told her, with a sympathetic smile. "I'm starting dinner in a bit, you can help with that too if you'd like."

"Yes, good." Lily gave Remus a brief hug. "Thank you."

Sirius woke up when dinner was well underway, coaxed out from Remus' bedroom by the scent of stew on the stove, the one Remus usually made for lunch during cold winter days, rich and heavy and full of tomatoes and basil. He called work to let them know he and Remus weren't coming in, then sat down with Harry on the floor to push toys around.

"Sitting ducks," James said, watching the two of them.

"Please don't," Lily said. "Don't make it worse."

"Sorry. I just can't shake the feeling." He kissed her gently on the forehead. "We'll be fine, okay?"

Lily joined Harry and Sirius on the floor.

"Please tell me we'll be fine," James implored Remus in a whisper.

"I can't tell you that," Remus answered. "I don't know what's happening. I don't know what we're waiting for. I don't even know if we're waiting in the first place." He looked James in the eye. "We're _all_ freaked out, okay?"

The three of them ended up staying the week.

***

"Sirius," Remus hissed, shoving at him.

"What?" Sirius bolted upright. "What is it?"

Remus pointed at the window, where an owl was tapping against the glass with its beak. "Tell me that's normal."

"You woke me up in the middle of the night for this?"

"Yes." Remus gritted his teeth. "Something's wrong. I can feel it."

"Having another reality snap?"

"Of sorts." He huffed. "I'm getting up." He gave Sirius a quick kiss on the mouth before getting out of bed.

The owl didn't leave, so Remus pulled the curtain closed before leaving the room. The tapping continued. Sirius rolled over in bed, covering his head with a pillow.

Remus set the coffee machine to work and tidied away a few of Harry's knick-knacks as he waited. A chill settled in his spine, so he wrapped himself in a blanket.

It was eerily quiet, now that the tapping on the bedroom window had stopped.

The coffee finished brewing.

Just as Remus was pouring himself a generous mug, the window above the sink shattered and a dark fluttering thing crashed into the kitchen. Harry started crying in the next room, and a loud thunk came from Remus' own bedroom, indicating the fact Sirius had likely fallen out of bed. Remus had spilled the coffee, and it was now dripping off the table in a small stream that quickly turned into drips.

It was the same owl.

The owl hopped onto the kitchen table and dropped a letter, only barely missing the puddle of coffee.

Remus stared, nausea washing over him. He felt the edges of his vision starting to crumble and he had to grab the table in order to not lose his balance. Sirius stormed out of the bedroom in that moment, and not long after James came running from the other bedroom, glasses a little askew.

"We got a letter," Remus said thickly. He swallowed a couple of times, trying to keep the nausea at bay. The fabric of reality was rippling in front of him.

"What…?" Sirius began, but then stopped. Just stopped.

The owl stared at them, then hooted, finally coaxing Sirius into action. He snatched up the letter and opened it, folding out a small note.

"What's it say?" James asked. He was pale, paler than Remus thought could be possible.

"It's over." Sirius stared at the note. "It's over. _It's over_. That's all it says. It's over."

And just like that, reality snapped back into place, but this time it wasn't disjointed, this time it was clear and Remus buckled under the overwhelming sense of _realisation_.

"I'll fucking kill him," he said, gasping, and the nausea roiled in his stomach. "Old bastard, I can't believe -"

"Where's my fucking wand," James snapped, then ran back into the bedroom where Harry was still crying.

Remus looked at Sirius. "Well," he said. "Turns out we aren't normal people at all."

Sirius sank to the floor. "No," he choked, and then he was sobbing. "Not at all."

"It's over," Remus repeated, for his own benefit. "What do you - it wasn't a fidelius, maybe a modified…? Oh," he breathed. " _Peter_."

"Used to be four of us, wasn't that was James said?" Sirius rasped. "Merlin's fucking balls. Fucking Peter, sold us out - made us all..." He rubbed his face. "Forced us into this."

Remus only nodded. He was shivering, so he sat down next to Sirius and found his hand, squeezing it hard.

James and Lily joined them in the kitchen, Harry on James' hip. He'd stopped crying.

"Breakfast," Lily said, eyes red. "And then...we put our lives back together."


End file.
